Dec 4, 2020
Kate Inglis’ story is a springboard that can help other bereaved parents-and anyone who has experienced wrenching loss-reflect on emotional survival in the first year; dealing with family, friends, and bystanders post-loss and isolation of bereavement. Kate’s unique voice creates a nuanced picture of the landscape of grief, encompassing the trauma, the waves of disbelief and emptiness, the moments of unexpected affinity and lightness, and the compassion that grows from our most intense chapters of the human experience.
Before a trauma happens to you, you don’t know that up until that point your life has been fortunate.
When we do have a trauma or a pain, it makes it harder to tolerate other peoples stresses and sufferings, but something important that she figured out was to give herself permission to feel that way.
If there is a road to enlightenment, there is a lot of ugly mud that you have to muck through that you have to shake off your boots before you make any headway.
In the beginning we are just angry, but we need to figure out how to grapple with that heat because if we don’t it will just burn us up.
Even in the worst of your pain, when you are at your ugliest, at your messiest, when everyone else is running for the busses like it matters. When you are angriest that this thing happened to you….. You are ok. You are totally totally ordinary inside your extraordinary pain. As long as you are doing what you need to do to get some sleep, and you are drinking some water, and you aren’t trying to self medicate your way out of this with drugs or alcohol or food or sex or anything else that is just going to take you down to the bottom of a well, as long as you are trying to eat well and trying to get out to get some fresh air, there is nothing else you need to do about the way you feel. You don’t need to be graceful, you don’t need to be polite all the time, you don’t need to say you are fine because you are not fine. People just need to let time do her work.
When you are struck with a certain trauma, it’s like a dragon has taken up residence inside your body and it’s uncomfortable for you because sometimes you have this thing that is breathing fire that escapes through your face. If you don’t develop some affinity and care and language to communicate with that dragon, than that dragon is just going to be spitting fire for the rest of your life.